The Real Horror is Your Body [NSFL]

With Halloween just days away, the internets are rife with ads and headlines filled with horror movies. You want real horror? You want to watch stuff that will keep you awake all night, and shivering from grossness? Well you won’t see it on the 10-movie marathon on Netflix. And it ain’t wearing a costume on Hallow’s eve. It’s all there in your body.

About a year ago, I put together some of my favorite links to horrific videos and images involving the human body. This year, I return to it as a response to the Halloween frenzy here in the US, where — let’s face it — it’s a much bigger and more hotly anticipated holiday than Christmas or New Year.

So, here we go again! Remember, kids, the following videos are not safe for life.

Stop Bugging Me!

So this guy had a bug fly into his ear. And everyone around him panicked. And so he panicked too. Someone got a pair of tweezers and began to pull the bug out. And boy, if you haven’t cringed in horror by the end of the video, you’ve probably watched one too many episodes of Saw.

Wax Poetic

And then in this 2014 viral video, some guy had his impacted ear wax pulled out of his ear by a family member with another pair of tweezers. (Are you seeing a trend yet?) It may be wax pulled out of HIS ear, but suddenly MY EARS feel like they’re in such relief!

Is That Your Ear or Is That a Nest?

And speaking of critters. Here’s video footage taken by an Indian doctor from the nose and ears of a patient. What does he have nestled inside his body leeching nutrients and enjoying the warmth? Maggots. Flies. Something that looks like a cockroach. And yes, the patient was alive when the video was taken.

BONUS: The Worm Within

OK, enough videos. Way back in … what was it? 2002? I stumbled upon this doozy of a blog post by an American tourist in Paris who tried a raw beef steak called Filet l’Americain and got impregnated by a tapeworm. And the picturesque story he tells of his ordeal with drinking meds to kill the tapeworm and then having to pull the dead tapeworm out of his ass is … legendary. So legendary that after some 13 years worth of memes and internet fads, I’ve never forgotten it and I’m glad the story still lives on the internet. Because this, dear readers, is a keeper you’ll want to read and reread to your children as a warning that your food must always be COOKED WELL.

The intro to the tapeworm story

Farewell. And remember, you don’t need to pay for Netflix when the best horror sequences are free on Youtube.

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