On Topless Coffin Models & Horror Porn (NSFW Bizarre Bits)

With the new year just a month or so away, it may be high time to start shopping for a new calendar, or a new coffin, or some horror porn, or perhaps simply a new career as a grindcore vocalist? Whatever floats your boat. My collection of weird bizarre bits for the week are here.

The 2016 Calendar That’s To Die For

This Polish coffin making company decided to market their coffins with a calendar… and topless models. And it looks like they’re under fire EVERY YEAR by conservatives who can’t take the joke that the target audience is already stiff. For becoming the Pirelli calendar of the undertaker industry, Overtbrain salutes you. And that’s not my hand, either.

Image from a 2014  Lindner calendar

Tony The Tiger Inspires the Dark Side

Remember those Tony the Tiger TV ads for the Frosted Flakes cereal? Well, some activist artist created her own version of those ads, targeting an older audience. And the results are dark. And fan-fricking-tastic. Too bad Kellogg’s took down her Facebook and Twitter accounts. Tsk. No sense of humor, these huge corporate behemoths. Watch the videos while they’re still online on TonyIsBack.com!

Post-Halloween Horror Porn Parodies

Also, since Halloween was just last week, it might interest you to know that there exists a genre of porn that makes fun of all your favorite horror movies. Presenting: horror porn parodies. And below: a 9 minute (mostly safe) clip from The Human Sexipede. If you can make it to the end without cringing or laughing, you deserve one of the Lindner coffins sold by those topless models.

Also worth a mention is this GIF:

when boys hug you from behind

Did You Hear About the MillionMaskMarch?

Yeah, of course mainstream media didn’t cover it. It happened Nov 5th, the day of Guy Fawkes’ treasonous hanging back in ancient England. Hacktivist group Anonymous, all wearing the Guy Fawkes mask made famous by the graphic novel/movie V for Vendetta, took to the streets in major cities around the globe to complain about the inequality of wealth, all the corrupt politicians, and … well, everything else. They harmed 6 horses in the process, burned a police car in London, which they believe to have been “planted” by the police hours before… and generally made a mess. Don’t get me wrong, I love what Anonymous stands for, it’s just that people power only really worked in India and the Philippines… trying to agitate it into happening elsewhere seems detrimental to the cause. Ah, but they don’t listen to curators of weirdo websites, do they?

Also of note: Anonymous made public their collected list of Ku Klux Klan members via Pastebin. Though instead of the 1,000 names promised, there were only a few hundred. Now imagine if your name gets on that list by a pure misstroke of bad luck. Goodbye, online reputation. I shudder.

The Week in Washed-Up White Male Singers

Probably the most horrific news of the week: sappy pop crooner Phil Collins is coming out of retirement. Ergo, some forward-thinking blokes created a Change.org petition asking the UN to step in and stop him from unleashing his ballads of mass destruction… because “there’s already way too much suffering in the world.” Perhaps now he can finally tell us what the hell Sussudio really means.

Phil collins gif from the music video of Genesis' Land of Confusion

Also worth a mention: octogenarian rock balladeer Rod Stewart has a lullaby entitled “Batman Superman Spiderman,” which would be sweet if it weren’t also depressing as f*ck.

It’s Never Too Late to Do Grindcore

I dunno. If Phil and Rod really want to make a dent in the universe, then they should follow the footsteps of this 67-year-old grandmother who recorded a grindcore EP. If she can do it, so can you. Her name: Grindmother. Oh, and Ozzy Osbourne approves… in his idiosyncratic way, of course.

Rock on. Peace out.

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